Feelings To Love
by TheTornPage
Summary: Raphael x OC; Where Amber plans to go to college and continue to be Raphael's girlfriend. Raphael is convinced she can't do both.


Title: Feelings to Love

Pairing: Raphael x OC

Universe: 2k14 turtles

Rating: PG13 for mild swearing and mild sexual content

This is just a little thing I threw together, it's also posted on my tumblr which can be found here

"You are NOT going outside dressed like that!" My father shouted in a drunken fit, swinging his glass of scotch at me.

The walls of this apartment are too thin to try and put up a proper argument. One more shouting match like the last one and we'll be evicted, tossed out on the street with nowhere else to go. Well, I'll have somewhere to go.

I heave a long breath through my nose and exhale through my mouth, annoyance clouding my once easy going morning. Was I really going to have to repeat the same routine every morning? I looked myself over in the mirror above the kitchen sink. I pulled a red beanie over my head, fixed my eyelashes with whatever cheap brand of mascara my mother was trying to endorse today and coated my lips with dark red lipstain. Continuing to ignore my _Father's _ramblings, I pulled on my fringe shrug, slipped on my boots and opened the window to the fire escape. Not bothering to look at the man or wait until his latest insult was complete, I scoff. "When will you ever learn old man? Be kind to me until I can legally leave or I'll bring Raph upstairs again."

The old man who always seemed to claim me as his daughter gripped tightly to his glass of liquor. Fear, the only emotion etched into the deep wrinkles of his face. "Don't you dare ever bring that monster into this home again!"

I lifted one leg out the window and onto the metal landing before pulling the rest of my body out I smiled at my _father._ "There are two things wrong with that statement." I snatched my bag off the floor next to the window. "One, Raphael and his family are not monsters, you are. Secondly, this is _not_ or ever will it _be _a home."

I climb the rest of the way out of the window, sliding it closed behind me. After checking to make sure my boots were tied, my curls were tussled just the way I like them, and putting my bag over my shoulder; I looked down off the side of the fire escape. The trashy apartment my family called home was on the seventh floor, which left me well above the ground. Had this been one of those nights where a certain mutant would sneak in to see me, he would just jump to the ground after he'd gotten what he came for. -Of course, not before saying that no matter what it'd never be enough and he'd be back later- Since I wasn't six feet tall and practically bullet proof, yet still not exactly boring, I hopped off the side of the landing and swung down to the next, catching the bar in my hands and repeating that until I reached the second floor landing. From there I simply jumped to the ground. I dusted off my hands on my black demin shorts and turned around to grab the crowbar -which always rested behind the dumpster-. I picked it up, jammed it into the sewer cap opening, and pushed down on the bar with my foot. The cap popped up, I caught it with my hand, putting the crowbar back where it belonged. I slid into the manhole, holding onto the ladder so I could slide the cap back into place before finishing my climb down.

My apartment lot was exactly six blocks away from the 'Main Door' of the lair. My old worn leather boots sloshing the murky water of the sewers as I marched forward with a content smile on my face. Over the years that I'd been venturing down into their _Lair,_ Donnie had surely upgraded things. Back when I was a little girl and would crawl down here through the dark, usually getting lost in the process, now Donnie had installed an entire electrical and plumbing system! An amazing feat for someone who didn't go to school and lives in a sewer! Another amazing feat that had been upgraded was an official perimeter, a boundary set up three city blocks away from Donnie's mission control. If you paid close enough attention you could spot his secret security cameras hiding above your head, each one I passed I would either intentionally step on one of the intruder plates to set off the alarms or flip the bird to the lens; knowing that that four-eyed nerd was watching me from behind his set up.

Nearing my destination, half a block away from the main entrance. I pause to wipe my smudging makeup and fluff my curls. The humidity was the worst part of coming down here, not even the smell was that bad once you got used to it. I start at the sounds of muffled laughter, echoing off the walls of the sewer tunnel. I smirk- tried not to grin- and stopped walking. "I hope no one is following me." I whisper quietly. "I'm not sure if I could protect myself.. So young, beautiful, innocent, defense-"

Something dropped down behind me, landing with a heavy force and loud gong against the metal grate beneath my feet. "Innocent is not a word I would use to describe you."

I try to hide the shiver that rolls through my body at the sound of that gravely voice so close to my ear. "No one asked you."

Large calloused hands wrap around my own, engulfing my tiny hands with the dark green tone of his skin. "Just sayin'." He stepped closer pressing his plastron against my back, resting his chin on my head. "Aren't you supposed to be at school?"

I flick my head to the side, knocking his chin away, throwing some of my hair back behind my shoulder with a Humf. "What kind of question is that?"

"The responsible kind." He whispers in a tone that's so close to being considered caring that I almost want to turn my ass around, climb up that ladder onto the street and hop on the next bus to downtown for class.

But! As said prior, I'm not innocent. I haven't cared enough about the surface world in years, school is strictly for educational purposes and with Donatello beside me whenever I have homework, I'm not sure I've failed anything since the 5th grade. Now as a senior in highschool fast approaching graduation, school is just a formality. I show up at least once a week, come up with a lame excuse, throw in a sweet smile and everyone turns the other way. I've gotten straight A's since I was a freshman and that still hasn't changed, the school itself has nothing to worry about.

"Finals 're right around the corner, Donnie won't leave me the hell alone. Going on and on and on about how close you are to getting into NYU. If you don't get into that damn school I swear he'll freak out." Raphael's voice is soft, he wants me to know that he cares about this.(If I were to ever tell someone about it he'd surely kill me) His hands tighten around mine, his lips press a quick kiss to my crown. "This is the big dream, right? College?"

I shook my head no, ducking out from under his hold I cross my arms tightly over my chest in defiance and walk as quickly as I can without running, away from him. "That was the old dream. Things are different now, I've told you that."

Raphael's feet stomped along the sewer grate as he followed me closely. "And I've told you that you can't make a decision based on stupid shit like that!"

When he shouts at me I spin on my heels, firing my iciest glare in his direction. Even standing a good foot taller than myself and at least four feet wider, I held my ground and glared. "Stupid shit? You mean our feelings Raph! Our feelings for each other, that's the stupid shit I can't base a life changing decision on?" I jab a thumb against my chest. "Me," Then point the appendage towards him. "You." I drop my hands at my sides and look around the dank and dirtied sewer. "I've been coming down here for the past eight years Raphael! You think just because I move across town and into a college dorm room I'm never going to see you again? You have the _gall _to assume something so lowly of me!" My voice drops an octave as I stare him down, his own steel gaze not faltering against mine. "Do you really think my feeling for you is that trivial?"

Having my feelings for him questioned seems to break his final defense, his shoulders slump forwards in the slightest unnoticeable way and he sighs heavily through his nostrils. "I never said that." He snaps angrily.

"Are you saying your own feelings for me are then? That it's you who's going to move on and forget me when I move across fucking town!?" I clench my hands into fists stomping a foot down heavily in the water and splashing it against my legs yet to angry to care. "I am tired of having this exact same argument every time I come to see you."

Raphael stretched out a fist and lets it fall hard against the wall, reverberating the sound throughout the tunnel, it makes me jump. "You can't keep playing around like this Amber! Look around you for Christ sake! You are in a sewer! You are in a sewer and your boyfriend is a-"

"A what!?" I scream out in frustration. "A mutant? News flash motherfucker I think I figured that out eight years ago when we fucking met? And holy shit am I tired of that excuse! You think little eight year old me would have followed you into the _sewers _if she didn't trust you?" I close my eyes, slump my shoulders, sigh and rub my temples. Thoroughly irritated. "You know Raph, I have been trying so hard to please you. I've sent back all the acceptance letters to every college that's bothered with me and I haven't applied to a single one of my own accord. This whole, _"We can't be together because I'm a mutant turtle" _thing you have goin' on, it's not okay Raph. You have to understand that you are throwing me under the bus!"

When I open my eyes his are locked on the ground. The shadows cast over his face make it hard to see his expressions clearly but I know for sure they aren't gentle smiles. "You need to be with someone normal Amber, don't you know that- hey don't walk away!"

But I already had. I was high tailing it to the weapons wall entrance as fast as I could go, the only reason Raph hadn't caught me was because of my head start. Once the opening was clearly visible and within range, I sprint the last few feet, jumping through the tunnel and rolling onto the floor a bit less than graceful. Quick as I land I scramble to my feet and rush past the dojo floor, the den, and kitchen. Cutting a sharp left into Donnie's control room.

The nerdy turtle is sitting in his desk chair made from old skateboards and is geeking out over a new software update for his computers. I make a dive for the desk right before Raph enters the room, I land across Donnie's legs in the chair. He recoils in fright, not being warned of my intrusion, just as Raph shouts my name again.

"Amber?" Both turtle brothers ask, in different tones. Raphael's much more demanding and Donatello's more confused.

"Hey Donnie." I giggle awkwardly, a quick glance over my shoulder shows me a fuming Raph so I decide to shift my legs and sit in Donatello's lap. "Uhm what's new in the computer world, I'm still trying to figure out how to fix my laptop. Think I could bring it down here sometime?"

Donnie hasn't the time to speak because Raphael is grabbing me by the back of my shirt and lifting me out of his lap. He spins me around to face him, green eyes clouded with a pain that clenches my heart and has my stomach lurching. "We were not done talking." He states deathly calm for how angry he looks.

I gulp nervously and force myself to nod. "I kinda ran off."

He nods as well, a short curt movement. "You did run off. Now we are going to go to my room and finish this conversation."

Keeping my lips sealed I nod again. He takes my hand, no matter his anger, frustration, irritation, annoyance, his hold on me is always gentle. He leads me back through the kitchen and past the den, we turn right and pass the bathroom and the first door on the right is his room. Raphael opens the door without a word and steps inside, pulling me along with him. Once inside he releases my hand and I move past him and deposit my bag where I always do, right between his bed and the nightstand he and Mikey share.

Raphael hasn't uttered a sound since we left a confused Donnie back in the control room, I hear the door click shut along with the deadbolt. Honestly not wanting to hear any more of his bullshit excuses as to why _we should break up _just because I'm going to college, I bend down and untie my boots. This room is most likely my favorite place on the planet. Not only is it where Raphael is, but it's where he always brought me when I was down while we were kids. If my parents had gotten into one of their bigger fights, Raph would harbor me here until I felt safe enough to venture back to my own home. He protected me here. He first kissed me here. He asked me out here. I gave myself to him here. This is our space. Before Raph's bed became Raph and I's bed, he usually just kept a dozen or more pillows piled up against the wall, the bed itself being just three mattresses stacked atop each other. Now that I was a frequent resident, he kept several blankets around the edge of the bed for me. I climbed onto the bed and laid down, facing the wall and wrapping myself in one of those many blankets. I hear Raphael sigh from the doorway.

"Amber," He begins, my name has always been my favorite thing to hear him say. Even calm, collected and carefree my name still came from his lips with a certain gruffness that I would never tire of. The fact a giant Mutated turtle that lived in the bowels of the sewers beneath new york city, liked me? To me that was better than any fairytale involving a prince in a cape and funny tights. "You really need to reconsider this."

Pulling the blanket up over my head I curled in deeper on myself. "No Raphael."

He sighs again but doesn't continue, for a moment I think he is considering leaving. But then, my ears pick up the sound of leather being untied, the belt that holsters his weapons fall to the floor, clanking of metal against the floor indicated his weapons have been discarded as well. Not even a minute later the mattress dips considerably, and Raphael comes in behind me. Shoving one arm under the pillow my head lays on the other wrapping around my waist pulling me closer to his chest. "You can't keep playing dumb. I can't be the person you need." Raphael is whispering, his words a begging plea to let him down easy, he assumes the worst. That I will move into a dorm room and fall for some high end rich kid, or in Raph's eyes. A human. Something he can never be. Something he wants for me. Something he believes I deserve.

But it's not what I need or want. "Raph." I say just loud enough to catch his attention, I've got his warmth wrapped around me and I refuse to set him off again. "Why would I want to leave all this? You. Splinter, Donnie, Mikey, Leo. You guys are the only real family I've ever had... You're the... the only person I've ever trusted enough to openly admit I had any real feelings for. Now you're telling me I need to leave you so I can live some normal life that I don't even want?" I roll over to face him, face to face with a giant humanoid turtle can be intimidating, overwhelming, but I find nothing but comfort in the larger facial features, scaly textures of his skin and the vivid green color. I raise a hand out from under the blanket to caress his cheek, running my delicate fingertips over the rough and scarred scales of his skin. "You're making me feel like you don't want me anymore."

Instantly my face was cupped in his rough palm, he ran his thumb back and forth across my cheek, moved to smooth back my hair then back down to my cheek. "No. No. Fuck. You know I'm not good with words."

I let out a weary laugh in spite of myself, out of all the brothers... I was a girl who has been accepted to over seven colleges across the country without even applying, I spent over half my life studying and learning, I was good with words. And yet.. for the past eight years I've entrusted my heart to this rough and tumble ninja. "Then why have you been running your mouth so much?" My words come out teasingly, nearly singsong. Dangling our arguments in front of his face.

Raphael closes his eyes that arrogant tough guy smirk on his lips once more, he shifts to lie on his back, I follow his motions so I can lie on his chest. "So if I've been talkin' so much, set me straight."

"Right now?" I ask seriously. Was he being serious? Offering up an opportunity to be wrong was not what I was expecting at all! To let me be right for once and give into what I want for a change? I figured he would fight me tooth and nail until Leo overheard us and broke down the door shouting at us to shut up and kiss already.(It's happened on several occasions)

He doesn't open his eyes, stays still against the pillows behind his head. Waiting patiently for my response. To do as he said, set the record straight. Tell him what I wanted.

If this wasn't a once in a lifetime opportunity, I don't know what would be.

A smirk takes over my features as an idea pops into my mind. I swing my leg over Raph and pull myself into a sitting position over his lower abdomen. His face is still void of anything but his cocky smirk. Placing both hands firmly on his pexes I lean forward, letting my hair tickle the sides of his face. "I want to stay." I place a small kiss on the side of his neck just below his chin. "I want you to stop babying me so much." Another kiss, slightly higher closer to his lips. "I want things like they used to be. And I want them to stay that way. College or no college." I skip over his lips and kiss his nose.

"That's it?" Raph asks in a way so nonchalant one would think I had asked if we could have jalapeños on the pizza, not that we hadn't been fighting less than ten minutes ago. "That's all you want?"

I sat straight up again, looking down at him with a small pout. "Well yeah."

One eye peeked open, giving me an almost bored glance. "That's easy enough then."

What? Closing my eyes, I shook my head and blinked a few times. Processing what the hell just happened. Was it actually that easy to end this fucking argument? Was I the hard headed one or was Raph just teasing me to get me to move on from the topic? What was this argument even about? Was he trying to break up with me, or affirm my feelings for him before he took any chances? "Raph what the fuc-"

Before I could finish I was harshly flipped over onto my back, my hands pinned down on the pillows above my head, Raph now hovering just a few inches away from my body. His lips twisted into wicked smirk, eyes darkened in a way I've been accustomed to since the day we first met. "This is what you wanted right?" He used his hands to push my arms back, my shoulders a little past their bending point, making my back arch off the bed and a silent cry pass through parted lips. "No more babying, back to old times eh?" I nod my head quickly and open my mouth to respond but Raph's eyes widen in a taunting way and he shakes his head no. "You don't get to talk. No more talking." His voice was a low growl deep within his chest that wracked my body with delicious shivers.

Raphael's all to wide and thick lips descend upon mine. Over the years I have mastered the art of making out with a Mutant turtle. No matter how hard I have tried in the past, I'm not near strong enough to dominate anything, nor are my lips big enough to take charge in a kiss. The easiest way to enjoy his intimate company is to let him lead and do as he pleases, and merely accommodate his actions. And as much as I whine and complain about the sometimes brutal treatment, it's something I will always love and find extremely sexy.

Our mouths move slowly, concisely, a dance we've danced too many times to trip over our own feet. His lips open in sync with mine, and I take advantage of him when his lips part before mine to catch his lower lip between my teeth. When I release my bite he returns my gesture with his own snatch of my lip in his own teeth, tugging slightly and making me suck in a short breath in delight. His hands tighten around my wrists when we resume kissing, only for him to break the contact to trail his lips across my cheek to the juncture of my jaw and down to my neck where he nips playfully at the flesh. Moans travel out of my throat like a song sung just for Raphael, a song never to be sung for another. My eyes snap open at the thought and my body tenses. Raphael takes notice to my sudden tenseness and assumes I must be uncomfortable, he pulls away and releases his grip on my arms. A reminder to me that even as rough as he is he would never risk hurting me. His eyes meet mine in silent question, wondering what he's done wrong.

The revelation has shocked me stiff bodied and scared. I've talked a big game these past couple months, saying I'd never leave the sewers, the brothers and Splinter. Those affirmations never really included _never _leaving Raph_. _Now that my brain has processed it and Raph has gotten over his insecurities of me leaving him for some frat boy, I have realized that I don't ever _want _to give myself to another person. Raph was built for me. I was built for Raph. It makes me smile brighter than ever before, my arms move to let my hands rest against his face. "I love you." I whisper out like a prayer to heaven. "I love you so fucking much."

Raph, as per-usual, lets a loose a smile, just for a millisecond. A wide smile, all teeth and shining eyes. It falls into a smirk and he leans forward to rest on his forearms on either side of my head, barricading me in a curtain of toned muscle. "I know you do." The statement is the closest thing I'll get to him saying it back to me, but I know he means it. He won't risk ruining his reputation as the hardheaded tough guy, who's really just a big softie who has a hard shell around his heart.

And that's enough for me.


End file.
